How can i overcome my eating disorder?

i'm sick of lying to those around me and myself. for the last few years my focus has been onlosing weigh,dieting and later binging, gaining the weight back and trying to lose it again. i can't help feeling disgust and hate towards myself at any weight,even when i get complimented for looking thinner or healthier. at 18 years old i have no real close friends as i tend to isolate myself and afraid of people getting too close. my mum knows something is wrong as she sees my unhealthy eating patterns and weight changes. she has tried to help but i push her away. i was anorexic for a few years in my childhood and relapsed a few months ago, getting down to 90 pounds but i've been binging uncontrollably and have gone up to over 100 pounds. i dont know what to do anymore! so sick of this life that is not a life...